So, anyone who knows Amy and I know that we struggle with organization. Our house is often messy, and occasionally stuff goes missing. The bright side of this is, when things get found, it's kinda like finding a prize. One thing that had been missing for a while and recently turned up was a DVD our wedding photographer made for us. We found it a few weeks ago, and when we did I wanted to watch it, but I was surprised that she didn't. Well she is out of town this weekend and I took the opportunity to watch it. I think I get why she is apprehensive.
It was great to watch the DVD, it was a great reminder of wonderful day. When I think of our wedding, I remember it being fun. A lot of fun. I remember enjoying myself from start to finish, and the pictures more than bear that out. What I loved about watching the pictures of our wedding is that we are so happy. I'm happy, Amy's happy both sides of our family are happy. There is nothing but joy as the two of us start our lives together.
Watching these pictures now, while I love them, is somewhat bittersweet. We are so happy and in love. We are still very much in love, but our lives just are not as happy as they once were. How can they be? My wife is sick, she has metastatic ovarian cancer, and in many ways it has taking over our lives. It is hard looking at the smiling faces, as they look into the future, when you know that the future holds so much heartache.
This year will be out 7th anniversary, and when I look at the young couple in those pictures it feels like a lifetime ago. I feel like that couple had something that we have lost. That blind happiness just isn't there anymore, and as long as our lives revolve around chemotherapy, radiation , and surgeries, I doubt that such bliss is returning any time soon. I look at my bride in those pictures, and she is radiant, not radioactive, and the tears people in the pictures shed, were tears of joy, something our home does not see very often.
But, we have something those couples don't have. Our relationship has been tested. It might not be pretty, but I can confidently say that we are passing the test. The delirious happiness is no longer there, but who among us can honestly say that they are as happy now as they were on their wedding day. Lives change. Challenges come and those challenges change the way we see the world, and those in our world. What is important for Amy and I is while life has changed, the love is still there. I love my wife. Life may be unfair to her (to us), but the fact that we still have each other, through all that has happened is something that those smiling faces in those pictures can be proud of. We may have lost the tears of joy, but every bit of love in those pictures still exists today. Only this love has been tested, this love had every opportunity to give up when it got scary or hard, but it is still there. Its easy to say you are in love when everything is going your way, I think that young couple would be proud to know their love would overcome adversity.
